TUESDAY, MAY 14th is the day! It's exciting to have this dream become a reality after such a long time. A week after scheduling the surgery, things got a lot more real - I paid my deposit!
I made sure to schedule the surgery for after the semester is over, but at a time when I know I'll have a great deal of work to do via computer. Grades are due that morning so I know that I will have something to help distract my mind get through the few days beforehand. I will be on a liquid diet for two weeks prior to the surgery date. This is to shrink my liver and ensure that the surgeon can reach the stomach easily. It will also add to the weight loss!
I will be teaching in Innsbruck, Austria this summer for seven weeks (more about that later)and want to have the surgery at least a month before I fly there. I will still be learning how to handle my new stomach size, but I will be surrounded by fresh markets and an easy / touristy way to increase the walking that I already do.
Some thoughts that recently occurred to me:
- I will be able to fit into those STUPID SMALL school desks better.
- I've spent 30 years fighting a battle against obesity....with whatever years I have left, at least I will have a tool to help me fight it better
- I WILL ride horses again. I used to train horses, racehorses actually (trained two for the Hialeah stakes in Fla.), but I've been avoiding riding for YEARS because of my weight.
50 days until surgery!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
In Remembrance - Entering Holy Week
As we enter into Holy Week, I would like to share a beautiful piece of choral music with you:
In Remembrance from Requiem by Canadian composer Eleanor Daley.
This time of year can bring a mix of nostalgia, spiritual discomfort, and great rejoicing. To steal and paraphrase a few words from Father Rob's sermon this morning: "I hope you will come and have your feet washed this Maundy Thursday. It might embarass you or make you feel uncomfortable - it's supposed to. I hope you will take an hour out of your time to pray during the Gethsemane Watch. You will probablyt be sleepy. You're supposed to be sleepy. Peter was sleepy." Good points. Should we allow ourselves to emote as well? Of course! How?
For me, Holy Week is usually spring break so my body says STOP & REST, but a different kind of service calls me and makes me excited and ENERGETIC again! I have a job that directly affects people's worship experiences and to some extent what they get out of the services. Sometimes, the repertoire that I bring to the choir and that we bring to the congregation helps people find a kind of release, find a connection with God, or perhaps drag them kicking and screaming to rejoice in the renewal of grace that no one is sure they actually deserve. Whatever the reaction, I am quite sure that times such as Holy Week and Easter poke at and unearth memories and experiences of the past. For many, it is viewed as a sorrowful time of guilt and remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. For others, it's their one time of the year to show up and socialize with a flowery hat. For still more, it is a roller coaster of cross, prayer, guilt, sorrow, grace, rejoicing, and thankfulness.
I love this setting of "Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep". I conduct it slightly differently, but I love the way it is done here by the Stanford University Chamber Singers.
I programmed this work as an Introit for Easter morning at St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans, to be sung from the balcony. My idea is to make a connection with the women who went to Jesus' tomb on the third day and could not find him there. First they are sorrowful and then they are glad. It reminds me to see the Divine in all things and not to grieve. I changed the last line to "I am alive" (so as not to negate the Resurrection - though I suppose in a philosophical way, "I did not die" still works).
The text is the poem Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932.
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.
Here is Daley's choral setting performed by the Stanford University Chamber Singers on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPjYsFJND1M
In Remembrance from Requiem by Canadian composer Eleanor Daley.
This time of year can bring a mix of nostalgia, spiritual discomfort, and great rejoicing. To steal and paraphrase a few words from Father Rob's sermon this morning: "I hope you will come and have your feet washed this Maundy Thursday. It might embarass you or make you feel uncomfortable - it's supposed to. I hope you will take an hour out of your time to pray during the Gethsemane Watch. You will probablyt be sleepy. You're supposed to be sleepy. Peter was sleepy." Good points. Should we allow ourselves to emote as well? Of course! How?
For me, Holy Week is usually spring break so my body says STOP & REST, but a different kind of service calls me and makes me excited and ENERGETIC again! I have a job that directly affects people's worship experiences and to some extent what they get out of the services. Sometimes, the repertoire that I bring to the choir and that we bring to the congregation helps people find a kind of release, find a connection with God, or perhaps drag them kicking and screaming to rejoice in the renewal of grace that no one is sure they actually deserve. Whatever the reaction, I am quite sure that times such as Holy Week and Easter poke at and unearth memories and experiences of the past. For many, it is viewed as a sorrowful time of guilt and remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. For others, it's their one time of the year to show up and socialize with a flowery hat. For still more, it is a roller coaster of cross, prayer, guilt, sorrow, grace, rejoicing, and thankfulness.
I love this setting of "Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep". I conduct it slightly differently, but I love the way it is done here by the Stanford University Chamber Singers.
I programmed this work as an Introit for Easter morning at St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans, to be sung from the balcony. My idea is to make a connection with the women who went to Jesus' tomb on the third day and could not find him there. First they are sorrowful and then they are glad. It reminds me to see the Divine in all things and not to grieve. I changed the last line to "I am alive" (so as not to negate the Resurrection - though I suppose in a philosophical way, "I did not die" still works).
The text is the poem Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932.
Here is Daley's choral setting performed by the Stanford University Chamber Singers on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPjYsFJND1M
Saturday, March 09, 2013
WLS Journey Part III - Types of Bariatric Surgery & What I'm Having
Types of Bariatric Surgery in a Nutshell
Check out each link for detailed images and info.
Lap-Band / Gastric Band - This involves putting a band around the upper portion of the stomach to restrict the amount of food you can eat. The band is inflatable and those who have it must receive saline solution fill-ups periodically. It's considered a minimally invasive procedure and is both adjustable and reversible.
Gastric By-pass - This both reduces stomach size and re-routes a segment of stomach and small intestine. The segment containing digestive juices is attached to the food-bearing intestine closer to the large intestine. There are several different kinds of bypasses.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery
Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) - In this surgery, the size of the stomach is drastically reduced to a sleeve and the remaining portion is removed.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeve_gastrectomy
Duoenal Switch (biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch (BPD-DS) - This surgery both reduces stomach size and re-routes a substantial portion of the small intestine, creating two separate pathways and one common channel.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duodenal_switch
Info from the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/bariatric-surgery/types.html
Check out each link for detailed images and info.
Lap-Band / Gastric Band - This involves putting a band around the upper portion of the stomach to restrict the amount of food you can eat. The band is inflatable and those who have it must receive saline solution fill-ups periodically. It's considered a minimally invasive procedure and is both adjustable and reversible.
Gastric By-pass - This both reduces stomach size and re-routes a segment of stomach and small intestine. The segment containing digestive juices is attached to the food-bearing intestine closer to the large intestine. There are several different kinds of bypasses.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery
Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) - In this surgery, the size of the stomach is drastically reduced to a sleeve and the remaining portion is removed.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeve_gastrectomy
Duoenal Switch (biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch (BPD-DS) - This surgery both reduces stomach size and re-routes a substantial portion of the small intestine, creating two separate pathways and one common channel.
More info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duodenal_switch
Info from the Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/bariatric-surgery/types.html
I have chosen to have the VSG procedure. For me, I feel that VSG is the best choice. I know a few people that have had this same surgery. I know two people who have had lap-bands and three who have had gastric by-passes. Each of my friends is happy with his/her decision and has had amazingly successful results!
There are benefits and complications to each surgery. It will take a long time to get used to eating with the new stomach size and temperament, but I think that no longer having the portion of the stomach that produces the hunger hormone Grehlin will be useful. I also believe that if I were to get the Lap-band, I would be able to "cheat" a bit by not going in regularly enough for saline fills. I have read about that happening. I have also read many accounts of the malabsorption that can sometimes be associated with gastric bypasses. In addition, many people who have the bypass procedure, have experienced what is called "Dumping Syndrome"
There are TONS of helpful websites and blogs out there about bariatric surgeries. One I've come to enjoy reading is the VSG Talk forum.
I've also found tons of YouTube videos helpful in seeing real people discuss and share the problems and the triumphs of each of the surgery types. I'm often struck by how much has rapidly developed during my lifetime. From typing a paper on a computer for the first time during my Masters degree to finding anything at any time on personal devices practically anywhere - this amazes me!
I believe that I should have this surgery. I'm quite ready to not have to deal with the weight struggle which has tormented me most of my life. I'll have a new struggle and new results!
Cheers!
Monday, March 04, 2013
WLS Journey Part II - Going for It.....and Insurance Land
I decided in May 2011 that I really wanted to go for it.
I had decided this before, many years ago, but did not make any moves because it was prohibitively expensive. Now, in the middle of my career, I realized it might yet be a real possibility. So, I attended a Bariatric Seminar at a local hospital. They were very nice and it was informative. I was shocked at how many people were there. There were some for whom I realized this surgery would be a life-saving event. I kept the information, but did not follow up with them right away because of the high cost.
Summer came and went. I read Mindful Eating by Jan Bays. I tried new meals. I walked City Park like a fiend. I traveled to Brasil and walked holes into my shoes, literally. I had to throw them away. I hiked around Igacu Falls on both the Brazilian and Argentine borders. I read blog after blog. I drank a bazillion gallons of water! I read articles and websites. Then, in the fall, I started talking more about it with friends from far and near who have had various weight loss surgeries. I learned lots of practical things related to surgery and recovery that I hope to work through with the same sucess they have found.
Two of the blogs I like are:
The Incredible Shrinking Girl http://incredibleshrinkinggirl.com/ and
Living After Weight Loss Surgery http://livingafterwls.blogspot.com/
I have found HUNDREDS of blogs about people's personal journey with WLS. I thought to myself: "Why not?!"
In February 2012, after tossing it around forever.....I made the second part of the decision to have weight loss surgery (WLS). Want to know what that part is? It's commitment. When I say this, I mean commitment in the sense of a deep, abiding, personal dedication to the preparation, process, and life afterwards. It is a work in progress, but I know I can do it!
Some of my close friends who have had weight loss surgery have helped me - a LOT and I am eternally grateful to them. I will need their encouragement and that of my other friends through the coming months.
From December 2011 to February 2012, I exhausted my health insurance options, making tons of calls, filing petitions, and learning that no matter what, none of the insurances offered would cover bariatric surgery - even with medical letters of necessity and references. It was recommended to me by a very nice man at the national office of one of the agencies, that I try the Head's Up program with the state Office of Group Benefits. I filed the application online to be chosen by lottery for elective bariatric surgery which would be 100% covered. All of the people with whom I interacted (phone screening, random questions from me, letter-writers) have been SO NICE and VERY helpful, but it's been over a year and I haven't been chosen. The dates of the program and the numbers of surgeries have been changed and I wish the very best to those chosen, but I won't wait any longer than this May.
The next step for me was to attend bariatric surgery nutrition classes (again, as I have done so in the past) and choose a surgeon. I don't know why I thought I should do this because the surgery package was about $17,000 (which I didn't have and was unwilling to borrow). I ended up completing the courses, meeting with other prospective patients, choosing a surgeon, paying $350 out of pocket to speak with the surgeon one-to-one, and then walking away upset, terrified, and angry. Why? Well, the surgeon gave me nine (9) NINE minutes of his time and in fact, he was sifting a stack of papers and not making eye contact. I felt as if I was wasting his time and he did not volunteer much info, rather, he answered when I asked a question and after the nine minutes stopped.
Lucky for me, I was simultaneously doing research on another surgeon and reading blogs
In my next post, I will describe the type of WLS I'm having and how I found my surgeon!
I had decided this before, many years ago, but did not make any moves because it was prohibitively expensive. Now, in the middle of my career, I realized it might yet be a real possibility. So, I attended a Bariatric Seminar at a local hospital. They were very nice and it was informative. I was shocked at how many people were there. There were some for whom I realized this surgery would be a life-saving event. I kept the information, but did not follow up with them right away because of the high cost.
Summer came and went. I read Mindful Eating by Jan Bays. I tried new meals. I walked City Park like a fiend. I traveled to Brasil and walked holes into my shoes, literally. I had to throw them away. I hiked around Igacu Falls on both the Brazilian and Argentine borders. I read blog after blog. I drank a bazillion gallons of water! I read articles and websites. Then, in the fall, I started talking more about it with friends from far and near who have had various weight loss surgeries. I learned lots of practical things related to surgery and recovery that I hope to work through with the same sucess they have found.
Two of the blogs I like are:
The Incredible Shrinking Girl http://incredibleshrinkinggirl.com/ and
Living After Weight Loss Surgery http://livingafterwls.blogspot.com/
I have found HUNDREDS of blogs about people's personal journey with WLS. I thought to myself: "Why not?!"
In February 2012, after tossing it around forever.....I made the second part of the decision to have weight loss surgery (WLS). Want to know what that part is? It's commitment. When I say this, I mean commitment in the sense of a deep, abiding, personal dedication to the preparation, process, and life afterwards. It is a work in progress, but I know I can do it!
Some of my close friends who have had weight loss surgery have helped me - a LOT and I am eternally grateful to them. I will need their encouragement and that of my other friends through the coming months.
From December 2011 to February 2012, I exhausted my health insurance options, making tons of calls, filing petitions, and learning that no matter what, none of the insurances offered would cover bariatric surgery - even with medical letters of necessity and references. It was recommended to me by a very nice man at the national office of one of the agencies, that I try the Head's Up program with the state Office of Group Benefits. I filed the application online to be chosen by lottery for elective bariatric surgery which would be 100% covered. All of the people with whom I interacted (phone screening, random questions from me, letter-writers) have been SO NICE and VERY helpful, but it's been over a year and I haven't been chosen. The dates of the program and the numbers of surgeries have been changed and I wish the very best to those chosen, but I won't wait any longer than this May.
The next step for me was to attend bariatric surgery nutrition classes (again, as I have done so in the past) and choose a surgeon. I don't know why I thought I should do this because the surgery package was about $17,000 (which I didn't have and was unwilling to borrow). I ended up completing the courses, meeting with other prospective patients, choosing a surgeon, paying $350 out of pocket to speak with the surgeon one-to-one, and then walking away upset, terrified, and angry. Why? Well, the surgeon gave me nine (9) NINE minutes of his time and in fact, he was sifting a stack of papers and not making eye contact. I felt as if I was wasting his time and he did not volunteer much info, rather, he answered when I asked a question and after the nine minutes stopped.
Lucky for me, I was simultaneously doing research on another surgeon and reading blogs
In my next post, I will describe the type of WLS I'm having and how I found my surgeon!
My Weight Loss Surgery Journey Part I - A Little Background
WARNING: Weight loss surgery post (WLS).
No, this is not permanently turning into a weight loss blog, but since it's my personal blog, hey, I decided to use it as a posting place. I sincerely hope that my ponderings and ramblings will help someone on his/her journey. Even if no one ever reads this except for me, it feels awesome to get it out into the universe and therapeutic to write about it. This first WLS post contains a bit of background and a wee bit of ranting :-)
Yep....I've tried tons of diets.....since I was 11....yes.....11 years old. Believe it or not, I can actually still hear the doctor's words as he told my mother that I was fat and needed to go on a diet.....as if I were not present or somehow didn't understand what it meant.
Yep....I do exercise, though not religiously and not enough. Nope...I don't sit around eating cakes and pizza or snack on bowls of Dixie Crystals.
I am only a bit of a "grazer". (Love the world map on this cow? LOL!)
Weight Watchers? Yes, twice. Low Carb? Yes. Medi-fast? Yep. Even Opti-fast and 6 months of eating ONLY puddings and shakes (blech). Slim-fast? Of course. Salads only? Yes.
Exercising with all or some of these? Yes: in recent years, just walking, but previously, I'd walk 3X per week and play tennis 2X each week. I used to be on a swim team (and won awards!) and I used to train racehorses (In SC, but for the Hialeah race track in Fla.) As a teen, I biked 20 miles per day.
The most successful thing I ever did was exercise and eat a healthy diet of about 1200 -1600 calories per day and I would stop eating after 2:00 p.m. every day for a year and a half. I lost 33 lbs. I just could not keep that going. Another time I lost weight was when I was hospitalized for food poisoning. Not the most glamorous way to shed lbs. and certainly not on purpose.
Doc says I am healthy. The last eight times they took my blood pressure, it was 110/65. A couple of times, including today, it was 102/65. That doesn't mean too much, but it's not an unhealthy pressure. I admit, sometimes, I do eat the wrong things and I eat late sometimes and ok, I don't eat enough fruit. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one. So why should it make me so unsuccessful? Everyone seems to have some advice which he/she thinks will work for me or that they assume I have not tried. Because I am large, many people automatically assume that I'm either lazy, constantly eating/drinking largest portions, complacent, not energetic, and that I am somehow hiding behind myself on purpose....that I psychologically "want" to be a certain heaviness.
Diabetes. I am extremely worried that this will be my fate unless I do something more drastic than dieting and exercise. To again be clear, I have no medical issues except morbidly obesity.......yet. I know it will catch up with me eventually. So, after twelve years of loosely thinking about and then dismissing weight loss surgery, mostly due to lack of funds, I have spent the last 28 months, significantly re-studying, discussing, pondering, and more actively pursuing this option. The decision to move forward came after two major efforts which were, sadly, ineffective. The first, was the eight weeks I spent abroad in 2010 and teaching for UNO in Innsbruck, Austria. The second was becoming a patient of The Aspen Clinic for six months and losing about seven pounds.
While in Austria, I ate a daily, decently-balanced cafeteria lunch and I shopped for veggies and soups from the market. Occasionally, a pizza was had because it was thin, and cheap. I walked a mile to and a mile from the university every day and most days, walked several more miles while exploring the city. One trek had me hiking the Obergurgl glacier which was eight miles for that day - a fairly decent portion of which was UP . On my weekends in Italy, all I did was walk, constantly, take pictures, and swim. In the town of Rovereto, I did almost six hours of hiking/walking and then realized I'd missed the bus and had to walk another two miles back to the B&B. The pool was a personal rule of mine -"don't stay at this B&B unless it has a pool." I had tripled my exercise and that summer - I lost one pound. ONE. The Aspen Clinic had me on an appetite surpressant and I only took it because while I was already eating a balanced caloric intake w/ colorful fruits & veggies and exercising on my treadmill, I was hoping that it would make me forget to eat and that I would drop pounds... WRONG. I lost seven pounds in six months. I had lost more weight than that before....what was different? My age....I'm fairly certain. So, after those two experiences, I gave up again and when I say that, I mean G A V E U P.
You know what? It's BIGGER than eating. This is a problem I've struggled with since I was eleven. I'm 42 now so that makes 31 years of my life that I have been disappionted with this 90% of the time for something that I have come to believe is honestly related, in part, to my heredity/metabolism. Why is it a problem if I'm healthy in spite of the weight? It has taken its toll psychologically and emotionally at times. I am positive that at some point, health-related issues will catch up to me. Some of you have walked this road. Some of you haven't, but you can probably understand it.
I will elaborate that having experienced real examples of being considered less important, less attractive, and less intelligent by members of the general populus creates a root system of low self worth. These are my shoes. How can I explain to you what it was like in grade school? How can I explain what it's like to feel invisible (restaurants, stores, career)? How can I truly explain what it's like to see or receive sighs of disdain in airplanes, buses etc. when someone has to sit next to an oversized person, or what it's like to not be able to cross your legs anymore? How can I explain what it feels like to see that someone is grossed out or uncomfortable that you might like them / be interested in dating them, regardless of whether you actually were interested? I cannot. You just have to trust me on this....it's not pleasant. It can make you crumble and doubt everything that is good about yourself. Luckily, I'm happy to say that, believe it or not, I've overcome much of this through the years with great friends, humor, success in grad school and an awesome career path and I am a very happy person! In fact, sometimes I literally wake up smiling or laughing at something silly. I love my jobs and love my life! I definitely know how to have fun and have certainly not avoided travel just because I'm by myself or because I'm overweight. Still, weight loss surgery (WLS) will be part of my personal process at this stage in my life and I am really starting to look forward to this journey! In fact, after years of research, reading, and prep., I am downright excited about it!
In my next post, I'll share what I have done to prepare for this surgery, insurance land, and going for it!
No, this is not permanently turning into a weight loss blog, but since it's my personal blog, hey, I decided to use it as a posting place. I sincerely hope that my ponderings and ramblings will help someone on his/her journey. Even if no one ever reads this except for me, it feels awesome to get it out into the universe and therapeutic to write about it. This first WLS post contains a bit of background and a wee bit of ranting :-)
Yep....I've tried tons of diets.....since I was 11....yes.....11 years old. Believe it or not, I can actually still hear the doctor's words as he told my mother that I was fat and needed to go on a diet.....as if I were not present or somehow didn't understand what it meant.
Yep....I do exercise, though not religiously and not enough. Nope...I don't sit around eating cakes and pizza or snack on bowls of Dixie Crystals.
I am only a bit of a "grazer". (Love the world map on this cow? LOL!)
Weight Watchers? Yes, twice. Low Carb? Yes. Medi-fast? Yep. Even Opti-fast and 6 months of eating ONLY puddings and shakes (blech). Slim-fast? Of course. Salads only? Yes.
Exercising with all or some of these? Yes: in recent years, just walking, but previously, I'd walk 3X per week and play tennis 2X each week. I used to be on a swim team (and won awards!) and I used to train racehorses (In SC, but for the Hialeah race track in Fla.) As a teen, I biked 20 miles per day.
The most successful thing I ever did was exercise and eat a healthy diet of about 1200 -1600 calories per day and I would stop eating after 2:00 p.m. every day for a year and a half. I lost 33 lbs. I just could not keep that going. Another time I lost weight was when I was hospitalized for food poisoning. Not the most glamorous way to shed lbs. and certainly not on purpose.
Doc says I am healthy. The last eight times they took my blood pressure, it was 110/65. A couple of times, including today, it was 102/65. That doesn't mean too much, but it's not an unhealthy pressure. I admit, sometimes, I do eat the wrong things and I eat late sometimes and ok, I don't eat enough fruit. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one. So why should it make me so unsuccessful? Everyone seems to have some advice which he/she thinks will work for me or that they assume I have not tried. Because I am large, many people automatically assume that I'm either lazy, constantly eating/drinking largest portions, complacent, not energetic, and that I am somehow hiding behind myself on purpose....that I psychologically "want" to be a certain heaviness.
Diabetes. I am extremely worried that this will be my fate unless I do something more drastic than dieting and exercise. To again be clear, I have no medical issues except morbidly obesity.......yet. I know it will catch up with me eventually. So, after twelve years of loosely thinking about and then dismissing weight loss surgery, mostly due to lack of funds, I have spent the last 28 months, significantly re-studying, discussing, pondering, and more actively pursuing this option. The decision to move forward came after two major efforts which were, sadly, ineffective. The first, was the eight weeks I spent abroad in 2010 and teaching for UNO in Innsbruck, Austria. The second was becoming a patient of The Aspen Clinic for six months and losing about seven pounds.
While in Austria, I ate a daily, decently-balanced cafeteria lunch and I shopped for veggies and soups from the market. Occasionally, a pizza was had because it was thin, and cheap. I walked a mile to and a mile from the university every day and most days, walked several more miles while exploring the city. One trek had me hiking the Obergurgl glacier which was eight miles for that day - a fairly decent portion of which was UP . On my weekends in Italy, all I did was walk, constantly, take pictures, and swim. In the town of Rovereto, I did almost six hours of hiking/walking and then realized I'd missed the bus and had to walk another two miles back to the B&B. The pool was a personal rule of mine -"don't stay at this B&B unless it has a pool." I had tripled my exercise and that summer - I lost one pound. ONE. The Aspen Clinic had me on an appetite surpressant and I only took it because while I was already eating a balanced caloric intake w/ colorful fruits & veggies and exercising on my treadmill, I was hoping that it would make me forget to eat and that I would drop pounds... WRONG. I lost seven pounds in six months. I had lost more weight than that before....what was different? My age....I'm fairly certain. So, after those two experiences, I gave up again and when I say that, I mean G A V E U P.
You know what? It's BIGGER than eating. This is a problem I've struggled with since I was eleven. I'm 42 now so that makes 31 years of my life that I have been disappionted with this 90% of the time for something that I have come to believe is honestly related, in part, to my heredity/metabolism. Why is it a problem if I'm healthy in spite of the weight? It has taken its toll psychologically and emotionally at times. I am positive that at some point, health-related issues will catch up to me. Some of you have walked this road. Some of you haven't, but you can probably understand it.
I will elaborate that having experienced real examples of being considered less important, less attractive, and less intelligent by members of the general populus creates a root system of low self worth. These are my shoes. How can I explain to you what it was like in grade school? How can I explain what it's like to feel invisible (restaurants, stores, career)? How can I truly explain what it's like to see or receive sighs of disdain in airplanes, buses etc. when someone has to sit next to an oversized person, or what it's like to not be able to cross your legs anymore? How can I explain what it feels like to see that someone is grossed out or uncomfortable that you might like them / be interested in dating them, regardless of whether you actually were interested? I cannot. You just have to trust me on this....it's not pleasant. It can make you crumble and doubt everything that is good about yourself. Luckily, I'm happy to say that, believe it or not, I've overcome much of this through the years with great friends, humor, success in grad school and an awesome career path and I am a very happy person! In fact, sometimes I literally wake up smiling or laughing at something silly. I love my jobs and love my life! I definitely know how to have fun and have certainly not avoided travel just because I'm by myself or because I'm overweight. Still, weight loss surgery (WLS) will be part of my personal process at this stage in my life and I am really starting to look forward to this journey! In fact, after years of research, reading, and prep., I am downright excited about it!
In my next post, I'll share what I have done to prepare for this surgery, insurance land, and going for it!
Labels:
bariatric,
bariatric surgery,
diabetes,
diets,
My Weight Loss Surgery Journey,
VSG,
WLS
March Madness 2013
YOW! So much since October and now it's ALMOST SPRING! Here are some bulleted thoughts and then I'll post the first two in a series of posts that I'm working on! This is clover from Rosedown Plantation in St. Francisville, LA. My friend Sara and I went there and to The Myrtles when she viisted a couple of weeks ago.
- INSANE level of busy-ness and concerts / rehearsals since last October
- December was beyond-words crazy busy, but also fantastic. I conducted the NOLA Civic Symphony for an entire concert and I got to sing with harp later in the month.
- We had an Ordination service for Rodney Roehner to the Order of Priests and it was a glorious highlight of my time at St. Paul's, a place that I truly love. I was excited that many people liked what the choir sang and that we sang beautifully!
- I moved to Frenchmen Street on Jan 2 and am loving it. My parked car was hit a couple of weeks ago, but it's being fixed.
- I'm going through a period of reading, thinking, and writing before spiritual advising with possible discernment to follow. TONS more on that this summer when I have many hours to write what I'm experiencing.
- I'll be teaching in Innsbruck this summer, but will probably not be doing as much traveling as I did in 2010.
- Tenure notebooks turned in back in January. Faculty in Music gave me thumbs up and so far things are looking good.
- The duty of Graduate Coordinator for Music is substantial at times and I always feel like I'm behind with stuff!
- My brother and his wife are having a baby girl in July and two other sets of friends are pregnant! So much happiness!!!!! :-)
- Sasha kitty is 16 1/2 now and taking pretty well to the new apt.
- I GOT accepted as a volunteer JPL Solar System Ambassador and am super proud!!! My first event will be talking to the UNO Physics students and faculty about the DAWN mission and NASA Eyes on the Solar System
- My choir students at UNO are doing a super job so far this semester and I'm thrilled and excited about the Stravinsky / Mozart concert with the Jefferson Chorale and my two groups.
- There is too much to catch up on so I'll end for now, but see the next two posts for info on my upcoming WLS.
- INSANE level of busy-ness and concerts / rehearsals since last October
- December was beyond-words crazy busy, but also fantastic. I conducted the NOLA Civic Symphony for an entire concert and I got to sing with harp later in the month.
- We had an Ordination service for Rodney Roehner to the Order of Priests and it was a glorious highlight of my time at St. Paul's, a place that I truly love. I was excited that many people liked what the choir sang and that we sang beautifully!
- I moved to Frenchmen Street on Jan 2 and am loving it. My parked car was hit a couple of weeks ago, but it's being fixed.
- I'm going through a period of reading, thinking, and writing before spiritual advising with possible discernment to follow. TONS more on that this summer when I have many hours to write what I'm experiencing.
- I'll be teaching in Innsbruck this summer, but will probably not be doing as much traveling as I did in 2010.
- Tenure notebooks turned in back in January. Faculty in Music gave me thumbs up and so far things are looking good.
- The duty of Graduate Coordinator for Music is substantial at times and I always feel like I'm behind with stuff!
- My brother and his wife are having a baby girl in July and two other sets of friends are pregnant! So much happiness!!!!! :-)
- Sasha kitty is 16 1/2 now and taking pretty well to the new apt.
- I GOT accepted as a volunteer JPL Solar System Ambassador and am super proud!!! My first event will be talking to the UNO Physics students and faculty about the DAWN mission and NASA Eyes on the Solar System
- My choir students at UNO are doing a super job so far this semester and I'm thrilled and excited about the Stravinsky / Mozart concert with the Jefferson Chorale and my two groups.
- There is too much to catch up on so I'll end for now, but see the next two posts for info on my upcoming WLS.
Monday, October 08, 2012
Voyager 1 in Interstellar Space? Has Elvis Left the Solar System?
Has Elvis left the Solar System?
Voyager 1 and 2, both launched 35 years ago in 1977, have been making big news lately and it is very possible that NASA might be making an official declaration soon about the probe....Voyager 1 is about to make history for humanity as it has most likely left our solar system and is now in interstellar space. This isn't just exciting, it's TREMENDOUSLY EXCITING and HISTORIC for the human race! I myself am an incurable fan of both Voyagers and this post is to share some very recent info about them and also to review the basics for those who may not be familiar with the mission. Below (public domain image), is the Voyager 1 spacecraft.
Here's is a link to some of the latest info as of Oct 4th, 2012:
Houston Chronicle Post: http://blog.chron.com/sciguy/2012/10/more-evidence-that-voyager-has-exited-the-solar-system/ by Eric Berger.
To me, the most exciting portion of Mr. Berger's post is the second chart (posted below) which shows a massive drop and continuous lowered amount of ionized particles from our Sun. The actual boundary crossing could have happened as evidenced by that and the raised level of highly energetic galactic cosmic rays the prob is reading. Those have been on the rise for a while. Another aspect to consider is the flux of the magnetic field. All these are elements have effectively been observed during the past few months.
Here is the link to several charts and VOYAGER RECENT 6-hour HISTORY - http://voyager.gsfc.nasa.gov/heliopause/recenthist.html
Where do we draw the line?
No one knows the exact boundary of our solar system........yet! Isn't that amazing?! What does our membrane look like? How permeable is it? Is it degrading? How much does the boundary shift and does it shift with our sun's wobble or with our system's wobble in and out of the arm? I'm looking forward to hearing some of those answers one day and hope that it will be in my lifetime. I personally imagine the boundary to be rather vague in spots and constantly shifting in minute details. An interesting thing to remember is that Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 are at different places so while similar shifts are expected, we might have something striking from one that the other doesn't find. In Berger's article, you'll see more charts and criteria for Voyager to be considered "out" of our solar system.
They include the following, (from Berger's article:)
To cross this boundary scientists say they would need to observe three things:
1. An increase in high-energy cosmic rays originating from outside our solar system
2. A drop in charged particles emanating from the sun.
3. A change in the direction of the magnetic field.
End Quote"
The Voyagers are going where no man.......
and no spacecraft have gone before!
There are a great many people who don't get how fantastic that is. They have been somewhat dulled to a host of real scientific discoveries due to their less "flashy" nature when put up against Star Trek, Star Wars, and recent decades of space and sci-fi special effects and computer-generated environments. Adventures of slow-spinning, silent, old technology spacecrafts often get a bit forgotten by those not actively looking right at the space community and those researchers.
Voyager 1, in continuing its trek toward the heliosphere, arrived last year and found a layer of magnetic bubbles made up of charged particles. Now, it is 11 billion miles away and suspected to have crossed the boundary of the heliosheath (the outer region of the heliosphere). Here are two articles about those cool magnetic bubbles:
"NASA Probes Suggest Magnetic Bubbles Reside at the Edge of the Solar System" http://www.nasa.gov/home/hqnews/2011/jun/HQ_11-174_Voyager_Update.html
"A Big Surprise at the Edge of the Solar System - http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2011/09jun_bigsurprise/
With the completion of the original mission of exploring Jupiter and Saturn on planetary flybys, Voyager 2 was directed to check out Uranus and Neptune while Voyager 1 maintained a trajectory toward the edge of our "neighborhood" bubble. To give you some perspective, our solar system is located in the Orion-Cygnus arm of our galaxy, the Milky Way. Our bubble wobbles up and down in and out of our arm area, but is still very...VERY far away from our galactic center. Just think: it took 35 years to exit our solar system. Even if we use the very latest technologies and don't stop for any sight-seeing, it is unlikely that any of us will be around to see any craft approach our galactic center. Check out this link to see the real time position of both Voyagers: http://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/where/index.html (Is that not THE COOLEST!?)
If it isn't, then this may be - check out the scale of the Universe to give you even more perspective: http://scaleofuniverse.com/
Above: We are the YELLOW DOT - image from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milky_Way
Below: image from this website: http://www.outerspaceuniverse.org/our-solar-system-boring-part-milky-way-galaxy.html
How long will the Voyagers last? How far can they go?
Physically, they should last millions of years, but communications will probably only last until about 2025. The Voyagers are powered by large radioscopic thermoelectric generators containing plutonium. Operations will cease one at a time, barring any unknown circumstances. Here is the master plan of the ending of the mission and the scheduled operations:
http://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/science/thirty.html From the timeline, it looks as if Voyager 1 is expected to live slightly longer than its sister Voyager 2.
Having followed the Voyager probe missions since I was a child and being inspired by watching Carl Sagan in Cosmos: A Personal Voyage on TV in the 80's, I have always been fascinated with space and any aspect of the night sky. Humanity has always looked up and in spite of the terribly too-bright skies over New Orleans, I am always looking up. One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I hope to purchase a telescope.
If you look closely, you can see Earth in the brown band on the right, about halfway up. That is our planet. Stunning isn't it! Check out the Pale Blue Dot link above for a look at the wide angle shot which includes our sun.
Listen to Carl Sagan reading the famous passage from his book and see what you think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PN5JJDh78I&feature=fvwrel
Being musician, I am also thrilled about the Golden Record being aboard Voyager 1 and 2. It was intended to represent our world and its civilizations. Can you imagine that if something happened to Earth and the planets on and around which we have robotic spacecraft, this would be THE ONLY EVIDENCE of our existence! I do actually ponder that from time to time.The Golden Record contains scenes, greetings, music, and sounds from Earth. What would your selections be? Here is a link to all of the information on the records. If you ever get the chance to check out Murmurs of Earth by Carl Sagan, take advantage of it.
The Golden Record http://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/spacecraft/goldenrec.html
Even MORE Excitement!
I have the great fortune to be attending a NASA Social event next weekend at the Goldstone Deep Space Network near Fort Irwin, CA in the Mojave Desert. I cannot believe the timing - so close to Voyager I being declared officially "out" of the Solar System. The DSN monitors 24 spacecraft, including the Voyagers so I am hoping to learn a great deal and to talk space with fellow #SpaceTweeps :-) Expect pictures and a lot of "woohoo" comments ; )
You can read my previous blog post on the DSN and our adventure here:
http://carsonia.blogspot.com/2012/09/nasa-goldstone-adventure.html
You can also follow both of the Voyagers on Twitter at:
@NASAVoyager
Labels:
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Wednesday, September 26, 2012
NASA Goldstone Adventure!
If you read earlier posts, you may realize that I am a bit of a space freak and also a #spacetweep :-) Yes indeed! I am even applying for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory's Solar System Ambassador program. I am enthusiastic about space-related projects and news about NASA's missions and I truly believe that we all have something to gain from exploring our cosmic neighborhood and beyond! I'm one of those people who would choose to go to another planet if it meant humanity would gain from the experience.
In early September 2012, the week that Hurricane Isaac blew through Louisiana, I applied for another NASA Social event. The last ones I applied for were the MSL (Mars Science Laboratory) Curiosity landing events. I did not get selected for any of those, but I was encouraged to see more NASA Socials! The one in October includes a visit, tour, and presentations at NASA's Goldstone Deep Space Network Communications Complex in the Mojave desert. A week and a half after applying, I received an email saying I was not selected for the event, but I was selected for the wait list. THEN, a week later, I got an email saying I was OFF the wait list and IN for the event!
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-)
What exactly is the Deep Space Network? WELL........ There are three on our planet: one at Goldstone which is located in Fort Irwin, California, one in Madrid, Spain, and one in Canberra, Australia. There are three Deep Space networks so that communications with the crafts in the far reaches of our solar system will be constant as the Earth rotates. These centers monitor Earth-orbiting craft, perform radio and radar astronomy, and communicate with space craft that are out around remote planets in our solar system. Each complex is located exactly at 120 degrees apart around the Earth, about 1/3 of the way around so the fields of view overlap. Each place is bowl-shaped and semi-mountainous to prevent interference from other signals.
[This image is in the Public Domain]
The DSNs track unmanned craft, but can be called upon in emergencies or when the "communication pipeline" needs more resources.
Here are some helpful links to read more about what a DSN does and how they work:
Deep Space Networks - wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Space_Network
Goldstone - http://www.gdscc.nasa.gov/
Madrid - http://english.insa.es/view/page/madrid-deep-space-communications-complex/
Canberra - http://www.csiro.au/Organisation-Structure/National-Facilities/CDSCC-facility.aspx
I believe the total number of craft monitored by the DSNs is 35. Impressive!
Here is a screenshot of the Goldstone's page listing 24 of the 35...
So..............why am I interested in this?
Well, I have always been interested in radtio and television communications over long distances. As a child, I would scan stations on my shortwave radio and listen to programs from foreign countries. I would also secretly stay up in the night and use the VHF tuner on my little black & white Zenith TV to see if I could get any faraway channels from Charleston, SC. I used to keep a list of them. Some of the furthest stations away were Charlotte, NC, Savannah, GA, and on several clear nights I was able to actually get channel 44 in Tampa, Fla. Not bad! I used to run the SETI @ Home on my desktops computer and Contact is one of my all time favorite movies. Now, I DO know that Contact features the VLA (Very Large Array) and is not about monitoring unmanned craft. Still, radio astronomy and communication is fascinating to me, regardless of how little I know about it! :-) I hope to learn more at Goldstone! Being in a NASA Social is
A W E S O M E
and you learn so much, meet A M A Z I N G people who are curious about the same things, have an adventure, and get treated superbly by NASA and their guests.
What's not to love?!
Here is what I will get to do:
Here is the official NASA list of participants for Goldstone. 65 people were selected.
https://twitter.com/ NASASocial/ goldstone-nasa-social/
“From the first planetary encounters, the first human landing on the moon, to missions that reach the farthest points in our solar system, Goldstone has been there to bring home the critical data, images, and science. The Goldstone Deep Space Communications Complex is one of three Deep Space Network (DSN) complexes around the world. (The other two are located in Canberra, Australia and Madrid, Spain.) The complex was established to provide the ability to communicate with spacecraft, not only in orbit around the earth, but also in the farther reaches of our solar system. The Deep Space Network complexes provide constant communication with spacecraft as the Earth rotates.
In early September 2012, the week that Hurricane Isaac blew through Louisiana, I applied for another NASA Social event. The last ones I applied for were the MSL (Mars Science Laboratory) Curiosity landing events. I did not get selected for any of those, but I was encouraged to see more NASA Socials! The one in October includes a visit, tour, and presentations at NASA's Goldstone Deep Space Network Communications Complex in the Mojave desert. A week and a half after applying, I received an email saying I was not selected for the event, but I was selected for the wait list. THEN, a week later, I got an email saying I was OFF the wait list and IN for the event!
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-)
What exactly is the Deep Space Network? WELL........ There are three on our planet: one at Goldstone which is located in Fort Irwin, California, one in Madrid, Spain, and one in Canberra, Australia. There are three Deep Space networks so that communications with the crafts in the far reaches of our solar system will be constant as the Earth rotates. These centers monitor Earth-orbiting craft, perform radio and radar astronomy, and communicate with space craft that are out around remote planets in our solar system. Each complex is located exactly at 120 degrees apart around the Earth, about 1/3 of the way around so the fields of view overlap. Each place is bowl-shaped and semi-mountainous to prevent interference from other signals.
[This image is in the Public Domain]
The DSNs track unmanned craft, but can be called upon in emergencies or when the "communication pipeline" needs more resources.
Here are some helpful links to read more about what a DSN does and how they work:
Deep Space Networks - wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Space_Network
Goldstone - http://www.gdscc.nasa.gov/
Madrid - http://english.insa.es/view/page/madrid-deep-space-communications-complex/
Canberra - http://www.csiro.au/Organisation-Structure/National-Facilities/CDSCC-facility.aspx
I believe the total number of craft monitored by the DSNs is 35. Impressive!
Here is a screenshot of the Goldstone's page listing 24 of the 35...
So..............why am I interested in this?
Well, I have always been interested in radtio and television communications over long distances. As a child, I would scan stations on my shortwave radio and listen to programs from foreign countries. I would also secretly stay up in the night and use the VHF tuner on my little black & white Zenith TV to see if I could get any faraway channels from Charleston, SC. I used to keep a list of them. Some of the furthest stations away were Charlotte, NC, Savannah, GA, and on several clear nights I was able to actually get channel 44 in Tampa, Fla. Not bad! I used to run the SETI @ Home on my desktops computer and Contact is one of my all time favorite movies. Now, I DO know that Contact features the VLA (Very Large Array) and is not about monitoring unmanned craft. Still, radio astronomy and communication is fascinating to me, regardless of how little I know about it! :-) I hope to learn more at Goldstone! Being in a NASA Social is
A W E S O M E
and you learn so much, meet A M A Z I N G people who are curious about the same things, have an adventure, and get treated superbly by NASA and their guests.
What's not to love?!
Here is what I will get to do:
"Tour the Goldstone complex, travel to Apollo Valley to see the historic Apollo antenna and the 34 meter Beam Waveguide Cluster antennas, take a trip to Mars Valley, home of the large 70 meter Mars antenna (230-ft dish), the 34 meter Uranus antenna and Signal Processing Center 10, the Spacecraft Operations Control Center, meet and interact with scientists, engineers, and other team members from NASA and Goldstone, about the historical significance of Goldstone and its part of the Deep Space Network (DSN), the missions supported and what makes Goldstone unique within the DSN, view and take photographs of the complex, meet fellow space enthusiasts who are active on social media, and meet members of NASA's social media teams."
Here is the official NASA list of participants for Goldstone. 65 people were selected.
https://twitter.com/
From NASA Social Media:
For more information on NASA and its Social Media programs, visit: http://www.nasa.gov/connect/social/index.html
For more information on the Goldstone Deep Space Communications Complex, visit: http://www.gdscc.nasa.gov/
Labels:
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Saturday, August 04, 2012
Tribute to NOLA
This is short, but I thought I'd preserve my Facebook post from in the middle of the night tonight....since I'm still awake and this is what is on my mind....
Dear NOLA,
Today is the 1st day of my 7th year here! I arrived when you were broken in body & spirit (as was I) and am proud to have been witness to your rising & return to wholeness. I've had opportunities here I never imagined I'd have: UNO, NOVA, Jefferson Chorale, ACDA, Civic Symphony, the "Thursday Night Group", a beautiful Episcopal church choir -to name just a few. I finished my doctorate here. Then, there are dear friends & those who have become my family. I feel like I'm allowed to be quirky & passionnate here and most of all - happy. Thank you for being a super city with marvelous people and opportunities...PS This is the year I'll finally get to Saints, Zephyrs, and Hornets games ; )
Snoballs, City Park walks, thunderstorms, drama, Super Bowl, Fleur de lis, French Quarter, voodoo stores, jazzy friends, egrets, Elizabeth's restaurant, Inconspicuous 8, St. Paul's, Mississippi benches, Mardi gras & parades, cruises, Artwalk, dacquiris, museums, photography, ordinations & installations, beignets, beads, the market, rice, history, UNO Innsbruck, marshes, steamboats, water meters, hosting 45+ concerts at St. Paul's, travel, weather pics, Nutriapocalypse, alligators, coffee, 610 Stompers, coming together, Yats, WhoDats, Festival Brasileiro, Thursday nights, Lagniappes.........
(I'll update w/ a few pictures Sunday when I'm home)
Dear NOLA,
Today is the 1st day of my 7th year here! I arrived when you were broken in body & spirit (as was I) and am proud to have been witness to your rising & return to wholeness. I've had opportunities here I never imagined I'd have: UNO, NOVA, Jefferson Chorale, ACDA, Civic Symphony, the "Thursday Night Group", a beautiful Episcopal church choir -to name just a few. I finished my doctorate here. Then, there are dear friends & those who have become my family. I feel like I'm allowed to be quirky & passionnate here and most of all - happy. Thank you for being a super city with marvelous people and opportunities...PS This is the year I'll finally get to Saints, Zephyrs, and Hornets games ; )
Snoballs, City Park walks, thunderstorms, drama, Super Bowl, Fleur de lis, French Quarter, voodoo stores, jazzy friends, egrets, Elizabeth's restaurant, Inconspicuous 8, St. Paul's, Mississippi benches, Mardi gras & parades, cruises, Artwalk, dacquiris, museums, photography, ordinations & installations, beignets, beads, the market, rice, history, UNO Innsbruck, marshes, steamboats, water meters, hosting 45+ concerts at St. Paul's, travel, weather pics, Nutriapocalypse, alligators, coffee, 610 Stompers, coming together, Yats, WhoDats, Festival Brasileiro, Thursday nights, Lagniappes.........
(I'll update w/ a few pictures Sunday when I'm home)
Labels:
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Friday, July 27, 2012
HAITI - Info and St. Vincent's School for the Handicapped & Orphaned
St. Vincent's is an Episcopal orphanage and home for the disabled and handicapped in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. It is both a residential and a day school with a good medical clinic. They host between 200 and 300 children and residents range in age from five to 61. It was founded in 1945 by the sisters of the order of St. Margaret, an Episcopal order. The school is now under the Episcopal diocese of Haiti. There are caregivers on site and food, medical needs, and living quarters are provided, but the center is greatly underfunded. While they receive visitors throughout the year and members are selected for Camp Jake (of The Red Thread Promise), it is all they can do to provide for basic needs. They have medical, educational, and prosthetic programs at the school. Father Sedoni is connected to St. Vincent's, though he has a church of his own where he is rector.
The Episcopal Church in Haiti is large and had a presence at the 2012 77th General Convention of the Episcopal Church, held in Indianapolis, Indiana. The Diocese of Haiti is the Anglican communion diocese which is actually the entire country of Haiti. Holy Trinity Cathedral, located in Port-au-Prince has been destroyed six times, including in the most recent earthquake of 2010.
The current Bishop is The Right Rev. Jean-Zache Duracin.
Episcopal Relief and Development Foundation has more information on programs in Haiti and around the world.
While visiting St. Vincent's as a Camp Jake counselor this July 2012, we spent some time with our amazing campers (who showed us around), took some photographs of the facility, and also heard a wonderful men's choir practicing. Here is a YouTube link to a video of a portion of their rehearsal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhT1os3x1v8
This is the men's dormitory room:
This is the women's dormitory room:
Main hallway
Lovely doing laundry for the girls while talking to Diumenne
Here is a classroom. Small, but clean and organized.:
Here is another classroom upstairs
There is a good medical clinic there with several rooms, including one with exercise machine.
All in all, St. Vincent's Episcopal School is a haven in a broken city. It gives hope and resources to so many along with education and care. If you are Haiti, make a plan to stop by this place and greet the residents here or in another school or orphanage.
You can also find St. Vincent's on Facebook at:
https://www.facebook.com/ecolestvincent.haiti
The Episcopal Church in Haiti is large and had a presence at the 2012 77th General Convention of the Episcopal Church, held in Indianapolis, Indiana. The Diocese of Haiti is the Anglican communion diocese which is actually the entire country of Haiti. Holy Trinity Cathedral, located in Port-au-Prince has been destroyed six times, including in the most recent earthquake of 2010.
The current Bishop is The Right Rev. Jean-Zache Duracin.
Episcopal Relief and Development Foundation has more information on programs in Haiti and around the world.
While visiting St. Vincent's as a Camp Jake counselor this July 2012, we spent some time with our amazing campers (who showed us around), took some photographs of the facility, and also heard a wonderful men's choir practicing. Here is a YouTube link to a video of a portion of their rehearsal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhT1os3x1v8
This is the men's dormitory room:
This is the women's dormitory room:
Main hallway
Lovely doing laundry for the girls while talking to Diumenne
Here is a classroom. Small, but clean and organized.:
Here is another classroom upstairs
There is a good medical clinic there with several rooms, including one with exercise machine.
All in all, St. Vincent's Episcopal School is a haven in a broken city. It gives hope and resources to so many along with education and care. If you are Haiti, make a plan to stop by this place and greet the residents here or in another school or orphanage.
You can also find St. Vincent's on Facebook at:
https://www.facebook.com/ecolestvincent.haiti
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Haiti: Final Days of Camp Jake
So, the final days of the camp were definitely the best days because the kids were opening up, getting to know us well and we, the counselors, were getting to know their likes and dislikes as well as develop both a routine of activities and continue new fun surprises for them. Wednesday and Thursday included The Lion King film in French which proved to be a big hit, a massive art project of painting the masks that Kelly Andrews had done of each camper, spa time with DeeDee, Shawn, Jake, Tom, Ana, Laura, Casey (and more?), some valuable pool & beach swimming time, super fun face painting (by counselors and also letting the kids paint our faces and arms!), and nail painting time.
The Spa time for our campers is such a neat idea. Aveda donated materials, chapstick, calming & energizing massage oils etc. to the camp. Each camper was brought in for some relaxing music, a foot massage, some massage therapy if needed with Jake, a facial, and a generally relazing and special time for all. Some of them were so relaxed that they cried and some actually fell asleep. It was a treat, something that they will remember for a long time. Each camper was taught that taking care of oneself is important, instructed on how to care for their skin, and given some Aveda lip balm to take home.
In the last couple of days, there were some awesome music times as well. Once, we were so hot from playing around the bar and pool area that we decided to take music down to the beach where we had gone the previous day. So, we lugged instruments, led our blind campers, wheeled chairs down there and set up in a circle. Not five minutes had passed before it started to sprinkle and then.........DELUGE! It POURED rain on us as we scrambled to make sure that each camper was not getting wet.....but they were getting wet as the circular veranda area didn't have that much cover to reach enough beyond the chairs. Laughing, we all got into the very center of the veranda and tried to sing ("Singin' in the Rain"). Then, what I can only assume was a microburst of rain literally fell out of the sky sideways and drenched us even more and began to pick up lounge chairs and toss them about. It made me think "I wonder if this is what a tornado feels like", Ha!
Here is a picture of us in the rain, singing....

I noticed that my three blind girls, Jesula, Rosaline, and Rosana basically sat to themselves at first - until they were engaged by me or another camper or counselor. When they spoke, they spoke softly. It was through music that they usually became outgoing, especially when it reached a certain height and attracted them by including some choral music. They also opened up enough to try swimming even though they were very scared of it. I saw one of them go in the pool by herself on the final full day! Little Oxilus (left) engaged others in sign language, smiled, giggled, and acted like a normal five-year-old boy. This was incredible because the counselors who had seen him before said that he did not engage at all the last time they saw him.
The Spa time for our campers is such a neat idea. Aveda donated materials, chapstick, calming & energizing massage oils etc. to the camp. Each camper was brought in for some relaxing music, a foot massage, some massage therapy if needed with Jake, a facial, and a generally relazing and special time for all. Some of them were so relaxed that they cried and some actually fell asleep. It was a treat, something that they will remember for a long time. Each camper was taught that taking care of oneself is important, instructed on how to care for their skin, and given some Aveda lip balm to take home.
In the last couple of days, there were some awesome music times as well. Once, we were so hot from playing around the bar and pool area that we decided to take music down to the beach where we had gone the previous day. So, we lugged instruments, led our blind campers, wheeled chairs down there and set up in a circle. Not five minutes had passed before it started to sprinkle and then.........DELUGE! It POURED rain on us as we scrambled to make sure that each camper was not getting wet.....but they were getting wet as the circular veranda area didn't have that much cover to reach enough beyond the chairs. Laughing, we all got into the very center of the veranda and tried to sing ("Singin' in the Rain"). Then, what I can only assume was a microburst of rain literally fell out of the sky sideways and drenched us even more and began to pick up lounge chairs and toss them about. It made me think "I wonder if this is what a tornado feels like", Ha!
Here is a picture of us in the rain, singing....
I realize I've mostly written about daily camp activities and that's fine, but one thing that I also wanted to write about last week was the campers "coming alive"
One thing that struck me from the very beginning is that this
Camp Jake experience is a hallmark of our young campers’ lives. They range in
age from 5 to 61. About a third are blind, a third are deaf, and there are many
in wheelchairs. There were initial big smiles as they descended from the buses,
but it took a day or so to see some of them truly opening up and letting their personalities
out. They were so much fun!! They are a vibrant and sparkling group. I have
trouble with any country or government that feels anyone with any disability is a “waste of life” or "untouchable". Our campers were AMAZING. I loved to see how they help each other and look out for each other. I also loved seeing them become more open with us during the week, teasing us, or speaking out in group activities. I
learned that the average life expectancy in Haiti is 56 so Jimmy, our blind 61-year old accordionist in the group is almost an anomaly. I'm not sure how a school can afford to keep everyone that comes their way, but I'm gratefuI the orphanage is there and didn't turn people like him away. I also found that many of
those in Haiti who have any education at all only have up to about 5th
grade. Many of the campers are super smart, but they lack the broad spectrum of educational
challenges and opportunities to which they should be exposed. They shut down for many reasons. I imagine that they spend a lot of time to themselves or in small groups and this camp is the social lottery of a lifetime. I know there is a choir at their school and thank goodness because that will help those folks to gain a needed sense of community and interaction. St. Vincent's is lucky because they do have lots of visitors during the year and some folks to help them out.
I saw several other kids literally coming alive here when one of the
counselors spoke to them or picked them up and swirled them into the air. Little
Diyana in her wheelchair STOOD UP at one point during one of the crazy music jam
sessions and she was wiggling a little dance. We all went nuts. Tonight, Sonya
held little Auguste in her arms and he stood up out of his chair and smiled and
just hugged her back super strongly and stroked her face and arms. What is his
future? Who knows what this will be? It’s hard knowing that he may go back into
his silent self when we leave. Some of the
campers have been in the pool and ocean for the very first time, have painted for the first time, and have developed friends for the first time. Some have had physical therapy that they've needed for ages and have been given tools and ideas to continue on their own. It’s weird to say you see any
sort of progress in three days, but I think it is possible. Even some
progress with us is heartwarming to see. As a result of their new experiences, I have been changed as well.
Haiti: Sunday/Monday
This post was intended for Sat and Sun but the Internet has been out since then b/c of lots of storms! It is, in fact, the raint season here! I must post it without pictures or video b/c it takes half an evening to email myself pictures etc. will update soon with both.
It’s POURING rain right now. Thank goodness! It is now at least 20-30 degrees cooler. I knew it was going to be a heavy and early rain this afternoon (instead of evening) due to the hotter than Hades temps during the first portion of the day. Sure enough, the clouds blew up in about 40 minutes from the Eastern mountains (singing hymn “From the Eastern Mtns”), met the warm sea air and 15 min from that the torrential rains began. It’s actually been raining for over an hour. It settled down a bit from the loud cracks of thunder, but has since picked back up with the rain. I LOVE these storms. Beautiful lightning over the sea and cool winds to make you sway into a rain-accompanied coma J I used to play in the pre-hurricane storms on Kiawah Island when we lived there and I don’t mind being drenched with sheets of rain here since I’m already drenched with sweat anyway. Since we are all on break, I thought I’d write about the adventures from yesterday and today.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside the door. I raised the slats slightly and saw three men with machetes chopping tree branches and some weeds…seemingly at random. The area is quite overgrown so I wasn’t sure why they were diligently chopping in odd spots……They went away after a while. Today was long, but I thought it went well! After our sweltering breakfast, we broke into groups andmusic ended up on the beach until noon. It was about 16 campers with Andrew, me, and Casey. Here is a pic of Casey working with Diyana on how to hold and play a Cabasa.
After lunch, it POURED rain for a good long while. The internet went out and the water system backed up so several folks had brown or pink-ish water in sinks & showers. My girls made it to their room just in time for the downpour. Later, we watched a film: The Smurfs in French. It wasn’t the old animated smurfs I had seen before. The kids enjoyed it though and after this, I played checkers with JoJo, an amazing artist with no arms or legs. He beat me terribly and then we went to dinner. After dinner, it was music time. Casey and Andrew did another amazing job with everything. I got my three blind campers tosing their beautiful chorale and it was a hit. Here are a few links to short video examples of their singing that I uploaded to YouTube:
It’s POURING rain right now. Thank goodness! It is now at least 20-30 degrees cooler. I knew it was going to be a heavy and early rain this afternoon (instead of evening) due to the hotter than Hades temps during the first portion of the day. Sure enough, the clouds blew up in about 40 minutes from the Eastern mountains (singing hymn “From the Eastern Mtns”), met the warm sea air and 15 min from that the torrential rains began. It’s actually been raining for over an hour. It settled down a bit from the loud cracks of thunder, but has since picked back up with the rain. I LOVE these storms. Beautiful lightning over the sea and cool winds to make you sway into a rain-accompanied coma J I used to play in the pre-hurricane storms on Kiawah Island when we lived there and I don’t mind being drenched with sheets of rain here since I’m already drenched with sweat anyway. Since we are all on break, I thought I’d write about the adventures from yesterday and today.
Sunday, after our counselor meeting, downing some strong coffee, getting everyone ready, and breakfast, we had a service in the Salle Karay room at the resort. Gregory, one of our translators was to preach and I was to lead the liturgical portion of the service and add some music. I knew my iBCP iPhone app would one day come in handy! Also, I’m glad I brought the Episcopal Hymnal, just in case. It was a short service, but many of the campers had been asking on Saturday and at breakfast on Sunday whether or not we were going to have church so we decided it would be appropriate. After all, they are from St. Vincent’s Episcopal School for the Handicapped and Orphaned and asking about services. Before the service, we did some music….jamming time. We started inthe lobby and paraded down towards a bungalow. Claves, the cajon drum, shaker eggs, boomwhackers, and some great singing. Mackenson, one of the caregivers, plays guitar and knows a wealth of songs. After I led them in Louez le Seigneur, he got them started on some Haitian praise songs and they went nuts with joy!
For the service, I opened with a welcome and prayer and then a morning collect. Then, I moved on to a song and asked Andrew to lead us in Amazing Grace with his guitar. Most of them knew the melody. It’si nteresting that if you don’t pause to give specific directions, they will start immediately with singing and later started right away with the Lord’s prayer. We had to remind them to wait a moment. Next, we said the creed responsively and with translation. I had selected various lines from the Prayers of the People Rite II and then made up several lines about being thankful for the beautiful sunshine, for friends, for this camp time together, for those who aren’t feeling well and for those who had gone on before.
[aside] Let me say a few words about folks not feeling well. We have several campers who have gotten upset stomachs because they simply are not used to eating from a buffet line and once they discovered how much they could have, decided to eat three plates of food before we could warn them to slow down! They are not used to plentiful plates and I guess they feel like they had better eat all they can. Their school takes good care of them, but by no means do they have the resources to provide anything near what this hotel can do, nor the extras like popcorn, so much fruit juice, or cookies. They’re kids though and I feel like they should enjoy these things while they can, within reason of not getting tummyaches.
Back to the service - To end my portion of the service, we said Lord’s prayer - everyone in their own language and we finished all together. Gregory, one of the counselors/translators, preached using some references from Genesis, Ephesians, and Romans. To sum up (and paraphrase) - He spoke of the Loas and God existing on the Earth together and then there could only be one with breath so along came Adam, made in God’s image. Even though he was in God’s image, all deformities, deafness, and weaknesses came from Adam and not from God. Then he spoke of how Jesus was sent. He spoke of believing in God and Jesus (but not the Trinity). He used several references and did a good job speaking. His words were translated into English by Jonas and into ASL by Laura who is one of the most excellent signers I’ve ever seen. She’s very facially animated, super friendly and fun. After Gregory finished, I closed with “Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God” #711 which they really liked because it’s easy and you can sing it in a canon. After the service, we had music time until it was film time.
For lunch on Sunday, the wonderful hotel staff arranged for our whole group to eat lunch on the beach under a GIANT tree. It was fabulous and I think the kids really liked it (except for the fire ants at the end –they were getting on the bread and anything that had fallen on the ground under the tables!)
Next, it was swim time and my girls did not want to go into the ocean so we all talked upstairs for a while. Hre is a picture of them in their FABULOUS t-shirts! :-)
After break time and dinner, the kids finished the movie and we all went to bed.
MONDAY
After explaining to them in French that we were going to demonstrate things and take turns, Andrew began by showing them each instrument: cabasa, claves, triangle, etc. and how to play it in two ways. They did it and then passed each instrument to the next person. The structured time was mixed with free “jamming” time. He did a fabulous job of it all and Casey helped pass the instruments out and engage each person.
Jesula, Rosaline, and Rosana singing:
It was hard to make everyone ready to listen to some slow, soft, a cappella choral music. Not only was it hard to quiet the other campers who didn’t understand what was happening, it was hard to get the three shy girls to sing when everyone seemed in such a hurry. Finally, they began and it was well worth the wait. It was this experience though, that solidified the fact that I am a fish completely out of water with most non-Classical, popular tunes. I barely know the words to tons of songs and even though I may love them, I seem to always need sheet music with me that also includes the words. I wish I had brought a book of praise songs because that is what this group of campers really sinks their teeth into. There was a time when I could not stomach the vast majority of 80’s praise songs. Now, I see their value and I like some of them. I know a few by heart (not many) and luckily, we are a great music team so my singing part is only a portion of things. We made music until about 10 p.m. and sang them to their door with a "Goodnight Song" that Casey made up. Everyone went to bed laughing!
Other news today: A new counselor joined us today. His name is Howard, aka "Panda" and he is a photographer for the Physicians for Peace organization and will be taking photographs of the camp this week. Another mission group (from Indianapolis) arrived today and will be staying here at the Kaliko Bay area. They are working on finishing touches to new buildings that their church helped build, including a hospital.
Another great day with some great people. J
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